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How to help children to be independent 思路  

2010-12-18 15:35:49|  分类: 四六级考试 |  标签: |举报 |字号 订阅

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One of the most important tasks of parenting is to help children become independent, so that as adults, they can take care of themselves and pursue their dreams. Teaching independence is a long process, beginning in toddlerhood and (hopefully) ending sometime in early adulthood. Below are some tips to help kids develop independence as they mature.

1. Give children increasing responsibility.

Teach children that they are important contributors to the family, and give them age appropriate chores. When they are five years old, they may help to fold the laundry, when they are ten they may help with yard work, when they are fifteen, they may help prepare family meals. As children approach their later teen years, they should know how to do most household chores (cooking, cleaning, laundry, and yard work); so that when they leave home they are ready to function independently.

2. Encourage kids to try things themselves first.

At times parents over function for kids, and kids become trained to ask for help rather than try things themselves. Whenever a child asks for help, if it is a task that you believe he can do on his own, ask him to try to do it himself first. If he tries, and doesn't know how to complete a task, offer him help, but teach him how to do the task rather than doing it for him.

3. Teach kids to solve their own disputes.

Young children will often ask parents to solve disputes between siblings or friends. When children are very young, this is an appropriate role for parents. However, once children develop problem solving ability, encourage them to work out issues among themselves, and to approach you only if someone is in danger or the problem is intractable. If you do step in to help a child work out a dispute with a sibling or friend, act as an arbitrary in a negotiation so that you are modeling how to problem solve with others. If there is any bullying or abuse involved in the dispute, assume an authoritative role and discipline the offending child as needed.

4. Teach kids how to manage money.

Teach kids how to handle money, including earning money, saving money, prioritizing spending, and giving to others. When they are very young, you can begin be teaching them to save a portion of their money, spend a portion and perhaps donate a portion of by helping with special tasks. By the time kids are teenagers, they should be able to understand how to make a simple budget. Having kids earn their own spending money during the high school years with a part time job, is a great way to introduce them to the real world of providing for oneself.

5. Teach kids to set goals.

When your child discovers an interest or a passion in life, teach him how to set broad goals and smaller goals as a means to achieving the larger goal. Talk with your child about setbacks, and the importance of persistence in any endeavor. Some children will give up on goals prematurely due to anxiety about failure. Teach the anxious child that failure is inevitable part of the journey. Children who can identify what they want, set goals, and persist despite setbacks are well on the way to independence.

How to Talk to a Teen

Instructions
Things You'll Need:
Sense of humor
Curiosity
Willingness to learn
1

Set a positive tone. Happy conversations are more likely when you're both in an upbeat mood. Pay attention to the mood you're setting. If either one of you is upset, the conversation will head downhill quickly. If you're demanding that they tell you stuff, they won't be eager to visit. If they're cranky, the talk won't go well either. Remember when your teen was a toddler; you probably distracted her from an upset by focusing on something more interesting. Distraction works well with teens too. So before you ask too many questions, make sure that you unwind first. Offer a snack. The best way to begin a good conversation is over food.


2

Drop whatever you're doing, sit down and look interested. If you're reading the paper when your teen walks in the room, put it down and say, "You won't believe what I just read," and then share a story from the paper. If you're doing the dishes, dry off your hands and say, "Come visit with me for a minute."


3

Smile and look friendly. A smile encourages conversation easier than a scowl. Friendliness gets the point across quicker than a lecture, scolding or sarcasm. Greet your son or daughter with a smile and a friendly, "Hi there, honey." (Warning: don't say anything that might embarrass a teen in front of friends.) Seeing you light up will be a reminder of how much you like being around them. That will be encouragement for hanging around longer.


4

Do not roll your eyes and sigh. You know how you don't like it when teens sigh, shake their heads and roll their eyes at you, so don't roll your eyes at them. Keep disapproval in check. Just because they're stating an opinion that you think is ridiculous--doesn't mean you always need to poo-poo it. Save disapproval for big issues.


5

Talk about exciting subjects. If every conversation you have with a teen is about what they did or didn't do, they will avoid you. If you want a teen to talk with you regularly, you have to bring up new and exciting subjects. From photography to music, dance, jokes and sports--there are many subjects to explore. Subjects that are exciting and new set the groundwork for sharing.


6

Play the "get to know me" game: Each person takes a turn listing three things that others don't know about. Two of the items are true and factual and one is made up. The other person guesses which two things are true and which one is false.


7

Allow for the teen's point of view. Teens are at the stage of: "I know more than you do," and while they might know more about pop culture or the latest technology product, it isn't the whole story. As a parent you've had more life experience, but during conversations it's best to listen so that you can find out what your teen knows.


8

Choose short sentences over paragraphs. Timing can make a big difference in how the conversation goes. If you're hoping to get a point across, it's best to keep it simple and to the point. You're the parent, but you don't need to flaunt it during every conversation.


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